On Hating Exes

 

All relationships come to an end at some certain point in our lives and there could be a lot of different reasons that can contribute to it. Whether it be cheating, falling out of love, toxicity, and a whole bunch more. Sabi nga nila "walang forever"!

And despite loving that person for some time, it's impossible not to feel hurt, mad, bitter and of course, sad when a relationship ends. Especially when it ended badly when you wanted it to work.

But just how do you avoid not feeling such hatred in your heart?

Truth is, you can't.

It takes time to accept that you two are not really meant to be together.

You cannot just wake up one day feeling okay. You must go through the stages of pain and the loneliness that comes with it. And trust me, it's easier said than done. 

Honestly, I used to be the kind of woman who would rant about my disappointments, pour all my hatred out, and ugly cries every time I go through a breakup. While I'm fully aware that bad-mouthing a person is really a bad habit, it's what helped me cope before. Disregarding the whole relationship, and forgetting how he was as a person. I used to trick my mind into thinking that that man was the villain and I was the clueless victim in our story. And yes, it did help me. In some ways. I thought living with a heart full of hatred would do me good. For a while, it made me feel okay. And true enough, I was able to take a step towards moving forward with my life. Toxic, you say? Definitely. I wouldn't even deny it at this point. You can't force someone to be okay with not being chosen, not being enough, or not being "the one". It's a hard pill to swallow for anyone. You have invested feelings, time, and effort, only to see it go down the drain. So how can you not? The art of not giving a fuck about a breakup is absolutely not my strongest suit, I would say. I know I'll get over it but I just need to be one heck of a dramatic mess first hehe

Looking back, I've learned that it's not the healthiest way to move on. It was toxic. I was toxic. Admittedly. Getting all worked up, and bad-mouthing someone because they hurt you, is not something I'd recommend. I sometimes still get upset about old pain even when I moved past it. Because I don't understand why I deserved it. And it hurts to think that I once begged for things that should be given to me without second thoughts.  

I'm not one of those who accept a breakup right away. We all take rejections differently. But oh well, that's life. 

I was scrolling through my Facebook memories the other day when a post with an ex from a long time ago popped up. It was a photo of us with a heartfelt message I'd written for him. Initially, I thought, "Ugh look at this bitch being so stupid, and in love". Took a pause, and I remember the time I took that very photo. That's when I realized that I got so used to hating this dude that I disregarded our whole relationship when we were once happy before. True that he's done something wrong and I'm not here to glorify it. The point is, you don't have to live in hate forever. Choose your inner peace, always. It was a good, and happy relationship. And what's important is that you've learned from it. Do not carry the burden in your heart, set it free. You'll laugh about it one day. 

Another thing that helps me cope with literally everything, is music. If I'm not listening to some of the saddest but bomb playlists I've created on Spotify, I'm writing songs. But tell you, I'm not good, as a matter of fact, I still suck at playing ukulele but I find comfort in songwriting. If I can throw in some chords, and think of lyrics that make sense while creating melodies, then getting over someone should be a piece of cake. It's tough, but rewarding at the same time. 

No matter how a relationship ends, you will always be hurt and that feeling is valid. Pain is part of the human experience, allow yourself to feel it. Drink to your heart's content. Cry for days. Sing at the top of your lungs idk but never ever go back to whoever broke you. There's a reason why it ended. 

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. You will be grateful one day!

You will feel better soon, and everything will be okay. 

Cheers to the broken-hearted!

xoxo

Grace