He is just not that into me

Want to hear a "Clowning Moment"? 

 Let me take you into yet another glimpse at my horrible dating history.

turn to page 84, children

 Once upon a time, a couple of mistakes ago, I dated this dude and we never once got the idea that dating each other is a possibility. Until we tried it. 

It worked for a while and I got to know the real him down the line. In general, he's a good man. He is big on making sure I get home safe. Always looking out for me. Pretty laid back, and chill. 

WAY TOO CHILL to the point that he won't give me a call/text the next day after hanging out with me. He could leave my messages on read for hours before getting a response. He would only text me when he likes or if he remembers I exist. Favorite ko talaga kapag di sya nagrereply kahit nabasa nya na chat ko shet

 

And trust me, I wore my "understanding girlfriend" uniform. All the damn time coz I knew he had things to do. Errands to run. Life to live. But we rarely hang out together and I consider myself lucky if I'm able to see him once a month! He'd be happy making plans with God knows who while I have to beg for a date!! Imagine my dilemma! Wanting to see the man I like, and him not being able to set aside time fucking hurts my kokoro! I'd be so hyped and excited whenever he sets a day for us to meet only to bail last minute. It's always me who would initiate a date, and his go-to answer is "we'll see" putanginang yan 

I'm not even about grand gestures, like fancy restaurant dates, or a bouquet of flowers. But what he's giving me is nothing but the bare minimum. Actually, BELOW MINIMUM. Which I did not realize yet (at that time) since I was so caught up in the idea of us. One little text and I was again caught in his trap like a stupid fly in a spider's web. 

Best part? he was sooo unromantic. Not even a single sweet gesture. LIKE LITERALLY NOTHING. He's not clingy and he hated cuddles too! Hugs? better save it for my next lifetime lol. The dude couldn't even communicate his feelings properly, like wtf? Then what am I even here for? 

Perhaps physical touch wasn't really just his thing or he just didn't like me enough. I'd say the latter. 

HE WAS SUCH A RED FLAG. But I was this flag pole, willing to take him in. obob

I'm scared of clowns but never thought I'd turn myself into one lol

Throughout the course of our relationship, I was anxious. Afraid to do something that could make him break up with me, so I carefully tiptoed my way. 

MY WAY OUT OF THAT FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. Despite me wanting to save us, I couldn't stand the way I was being treated. But it wasn't an easy thing to do. I even fought with my friends because I'd justify his shitty actions. Until I, myself realized that this was not what I signed up for. My feelings, efforts, and affection were not reciprocated. I felt disposable and not worthy. Sure I was hurt but I'd be damned if I stayed any longer. It was just a big ball of complications and confusion about where I really stood. Was I really not worth it? What's the point of being in a relationship if the other person is unwilling to commit??? 

But honestly, it was a love I would've loved to keep. This relationship got me thinking of marriage. If you know me personally, you know that that's the last thing on my mind. It's not even a priority. Eh kaso pano ka ikakasal bhe di ka nga kinikita kingina 

Or maybe because I was under his hook the truth blinded me hehe either way, I just thought that maybe we were onto something serious. At least for me, it was.

But that's life, we make mistakes and we learn from them. Ganun naman talaga, di ka in love kapag di ka tanga. 

I've learned that if someone genuinely likes you, it will be apparent and you'll know. You just do. No matter what zodiac sign they have or personality, if he's into you, he will show it. You will not have to beg for a date. You will not be left on read. He will do something about it.

And girls, don't be stupid like me. I loved people who did not like me enough and  legit ignored all the hints that were already slapping me hard in the face, Eh kung iba na lang sanang slap charot

In short, wag marupok! Don't be okay with people treating you like shit when all you have are good intentions. 

I saw a post that goes something like "you did so much for the wrong person, imagine what you can do for the right one".

NOT. A. GODDAMN. THING. 

I'm way too traumatized for that shit. 

Love your boo, kill him if he cheats hehe

Sayonara bitches✌

xoxo

Grace