Mama's 40 Days + Christmas

Mama's 40 days was held last December 16, 2016.

I was surprised a lot of people came to commemorate with us. 

They said 40th day after her death is the time when they'd leave the land and go to heaven. I wonder if that's true. But if it is, I'm glad. I'm glad she can find peace somewhere far. Even if that means not seeing her in flesh at least that would give me a peace of mind thinking that she is not suffering anymore.

I know she's watching over us from above :)

Tadaaaah! This is how loved my mom is. I remember sobrang maasikaso nya kapag may mga handaan dito samin sya palagi taga luto. Pero ngayon sya na yung pinaghahandaan and for the worst reasons pa. :'(

Everyone here took their time and efforts to carry on with her 40 Days :) I'm just grateful mom knew these kind of people. Now it's their turn to give back. 

I don't usually believe in the saying na sa 40 days nga daw umaakyat yung spirit until my sister told me she dreamt of mom on that exact day. Mama was saying goodbye to her and passing the responsibilities on her saying things along like "Wala na akong maiiwan sa inyo" as she fades away with the light :(

Coincidence or not. I think it's one of the few beliefs that I would follow on.

 With all the happenings in my life right now, I think it's safe to say that this has been the worst Christmas ever. I don't hate the Christmas itself but having to celebrate it without mom is in a whole another level. 

First of all, she's the one who's the most excited among us. She'd say she's tired of decorating the house and setting up the Christmas tree but would hurriedly set it up few days before Christmas. She prepares almost everything. The busiest every Christmas Eve. 

But it's different. So much different this Christmas. 

She's nowhere. No one's cooking in the kitchen. No Christmas tree and decorations. It was a dull, lonely and boring day. I was wishing for it to be over tbh. I don't like pretending I'm happy when I was dying inside. I have the three of them with me but why do I still feel so alone and incomplete ?

I didn't even went out on a greeting spree like I used to do every year. 

What for ? I'm not celebrating anything. 

Occasions like Christmas and New Year will be just a reminder that she's not here anymore. 

And that will continue to kill me everytime. 

So where to on Christmas Day ?

We went to her grave. It was my first time seeing/visiting her after funeral.

Walking slowly onto her,  I wiped a tear from my eye. It was just an emotional morning, I can't even greet her properly coz' I would literally cry. 

Christmas is supposed to be a special day but here we are celebrating it at the cemetery </3

We took a photo with her :) 

Now we are complete.

The five of us. Trying to be happy. 

I know Mama is still worried about her leaving us out of the blue. 

Pero okay lang kami Ma, We can go on with our lives and we're trying our best!

We love you so damn much.

Mahal na mahal ka namin Atunton. 

Namimiss ka na namin sobra. 

Grace~♥