30-Day Writing Challenge (DAY 19) Five Fears That I Have

 Welcome to Day 19!

I've been meaning to talk about this topic for the longest time. Those who know me personally may have heard me bicker about some of these at least once.

1.) Deep Blue Water - When talks of a beach trip are brought up, my initial question will always be "Are there sharks?", and even though I knew mostly there wouldn't be, it's something I've always had in me. I'm scared of the deep blue sea. The dark blue hue is enough for me to stay dry on the shore. Of course, you'd see me taking a dip a few inches from the shore, but you will never see me being a daredevil. I wouldn't dare. When I was a kid, I drowned at a 5ft pool and thought I was gonna die. My cousin who was supposed to help and save me was splashing more water on my face while laughing like a devil. I will never forget the look on his face grinning from ear to ear teasing me. He did help me after but I got so emotional because I really thought that was the end for me. I'm impressed to even see myself swimming in the pool again right after that incident. No one paid attention. My parents didn't care that I almost died that night. I've moved on since then but once I tried snorkeling in Masasa Beach I thought I'd have a panic attack. The sight of clear blue water beneath me gave me so much anxiety. I'll never be comfortable enough not knowing what's swimming beside and below me. The shark movies and true horror stories aren't doing me any good. Not to mention the existence of Mermaids, Megalodon, and giant squid. Yeah, I'm that scared shitless!  96% of Earth is covered with water so maybe I'll just do some cute poses by the shore. 

2.) Fear of heights - Unlike with water, I didn't have any traumatic experiences with heights. It's just something I developed growing up. I'm scared of looking down from a balcony of a tall building. Remember the videos circulating on Facebook of people climbing and doing parkour on top of buildings? Yeah I don't watch that, it makes my stomach turn. But trust me, I try to overcome it. I used to be scared of going up the footbridge but I don't now. I'm even thinking of trying paragliding so I think there's hope for me lol

3.) Fear of ghosts/paranormal stuff - When I was a kid, my aunt would rent out horror VHS tapes from VideoCity and she would make us watch it together with my cousins. The one that struck me the most was the movie, "The Convent" released in 2000. It was so weird seeing nuns puking green substances and acting all possessed. The little Catholic girl in me was shookt! I started having nightmares and my mom forbade me. She also reprimanded my cousin who wouldn't stop pestering me with more scary stories. Til now, I don't enjoy horror movies. At least not alone. If I'm with a company maybe that would be more fun and tolerable. 

4.) Fear of the dark - a little related to the 3rd one but I also am scared of the dark. Like pitch black kind of dark. Once when the lights went out all over the city, I was chilling in the living room and I screamed so loud because I couldn't see anything. When my sight had already adjusted to the dark. My dad lit a candle and put it on the table across from where the television was. I noticed the shadow of the television started to look like a beheaded priest and I freaked out. I never stayed again in the living room whenever the electricity was out. 

5.) Natural disasters - Isn't it scary when nature takes its sweet revenge? I always wonder what would happen to us if catastrophic calamity were to happen. I remember Japan being hit by both a tsunami and an earthquake back in 2011 it was devastating even for a highly advanced country. When Yolanda happened, it broke my heart to hear the sad stories of the survivors. Once before, an earthquake happened while I was in my room with my brother. Our house in Manila was built beside an 8-storey  building and it'd been shaking for a while then. I froze on the bed, didn't know what to do. My heart was racing so hard and I felt like everything was on pause. My brother comforted me by hugging me until the shaking stopped. I'll never ever forget that day. 

Looking back and realize most of the fears that I have are from a traumatic childhood and experiences. It's not being maarte or KJ, it really is the anxiety and panic attacks one has to deal with. It's not funny to poke fun at someone's fears. 

How about you? What are your fears? Anything you'd like to share?

xoxo

Grasya